What should I do if they bring a third person?

Missionaries sometimes bring a third person to your visit. It usually doesn’t happen the first time, but it’s common later on. Most often, the third person is a member of the local LDS ward, often someone older, and they rarely ask ahead of time if it’s okay.

There are many reasons they might bring someone:

• The member may be giving them a ride.

• They may want to involve a local church member in their mission efforts.

• They may feel they need someone more experienced to answer your questions.

Some Christians see a third person as another opportunity to witness, but in practice, it often disrupts the natural, relational tone you’ve been building. The member often dominates the conversation, turning it from a personal dialogue into a group discussion, or worse, a debate.

How to Handle It

1. Remember, you do not have to let them in.
If you are ever uncomfortable inviting a stranger into your home, you have permission to say no. It might feel awkward, but it is okay to protect your boundaries. For example, if you were expecting two missionaries and they show up with someone new, especially if you are a woman and a man suddenly expects to enter, you can pause. In LDS culture, this is considered perfectly normal, but it does not have to be in yours. You might say:

“Oh, I did not know there was going to be another person ahead of time. I would feel more comfortable if we kept the group small. Could we reschedule for another time?”

This sets a boundary respectfully without closing the door to future conversations.

2. Be gracious in the moment.

If you decide to continue with the visit, stay kind and calm. Smile, welcome them, and continue as best you can. A gracious spirit keeps the relationship intact and may surprise the missionaries, who often experience rejection.

3. Steer the conversation back to the missionaries.

If the member starts taking over, gently redirect: “Elder/Sister, I’d love to hear your thoughts on that.”

This reminds everyone that you’re primarily there to talk with the missionaries, not debate the visitor.

4. Clarify your preference after the meeting.

At the end, or in a message afterward, you can kindly say: “I really appreciate the conversations we’ve been having. In the future, would it be possible to just meet with the two of you? Smaller conversations help me focus better.”

Most missionaries will happily agree, and some may feel relieved, too.

5. Set expectations early if possible.

You can even bring this up during your very first visit: “One of my friends had missionaries bring a third person, and it really changed the feel of the conversation. I’d love to just meet with the two of you if that’s okay.”

Setting expectations early helps prevent awkward surprises later.

6. If necessary, suggest a separate meeting.

If the dynamic really suffers, you can propose: “Would you be willing to set up another time when it’s just the two of you? I’d love to keep learning from you directly.”

Again, this protects the relationship and keeps the focus where it belongs: on lovingly sharing Christ.

Key Thought

You don’t have to force a perfect situation to share the gospel. Kindness, patience, and a little redirection can go a long way.

Even an imperfect conversation can be used by the Holy Spirit to plant seeds of truth.