I am an introvert.
Written by Annette Timm
I am an introvert. I prefer the quiet. I was always the last to raise my hand when answering a question in school. I don’t like to talk. What on earth am I doing here in Utah? “Lord, I am nobody. How can I go?” Wait! That was Moses’ line. God answered our friend from the Old Testament kindly: “I will be with you.”
Now here I am. I am living out of a Salt Lake City hotel for seven days. I am surrounded by 20 other people who have quickly become my support group, my cheerleaders, my coaches, and my spiritual counsellors. We are one in Christ. And I suspect God wanted me here and made all the appropriate arrangements fall into place. He’s sort of funny that way when his plan is at stake.
Speaking with Rachel on Monday morning was my first glimpse into the life of a young Morman wife. She was ever so pleasant and polite when answering the door to two strangers on her front porch, much better than my own reaction would be on my normal Monday morning. She, like any other good LDS member put on the cheerful, happy face required of that lifestyle. Rachel had served her LDS mission in Argentina and had a very good experience, she shared with us. But, wait, she apologized that her house was too messy to invite us in, her yard had more weeds than grass, cobwebs surrounded her doorway – this was not the perfection that LDS members are expected to show. My partner and I shared our reason for being on her porch, encouraged her, and left our information with her. She smiled and wished us well. Did we misread her state, did God’s message through us fall on deaf ears? That is not for us to know. Did God, through us, plant a gospel seed?
That is all I am – a human transporter of the message that God has decided should reach those whom he has chosen. I can be here, knocking on doors, walking the streets in the heat (and I do mean heat!) of the day, knowing that I am only a messenger and God has my back. God kept his word to Moses and he is keeping it to me: “I will be with you.” He may use my voice and my smile to touch a lost heart. I don’t know which heart. And I don’t know which seemingly happy person will close the door and read the “Finding Forgiveness” pamphlet from Truth in Love Ministries from cover to cover and find, for the first time, relief from the never-ending pressure of living the perfect Mormon life. That is not for me to know.
Why am I here? I’m pretty sure if I had been the assigner of duties, Annette Timm would have gotten the paper pushing job behind closed doors, content to be alone with a good book. Yep, God tricked me into a far different role. Thank you, Lord, for that craftiness. I now have genuine tears for the people I am meeting, fearing that many will be absent at the big heavenly reunion party. Their smiles will end when God’s judgment becomes real, and God’s message to them through me may have been the only true gospel message they will ever hear.
Please, Lord, let your seed take root!